hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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