I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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