You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
