Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
