What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
