just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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