Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
