return my video game
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
