the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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