I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
