it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
