Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
