Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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