I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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