I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
