My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
