i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
