I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
