We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
