mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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