You're my little dorito
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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