When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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