Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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