the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
