I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
