you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
