I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
