Just cropdusted the office
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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