Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
