T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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