it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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