cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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