So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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