Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
