Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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