all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
