Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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