Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
