i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
