Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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