Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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