The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im holly from the hills drunk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize