clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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