Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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(845): View more from New York

Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup

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(609): View more from New Jersey

His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him

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(613): View more from Ontario

The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool

(1-507): View more from Minnesota

In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.

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(253): View more from Washington

I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car

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