woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am available for nakedness
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize