He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
