i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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