There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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