I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
