I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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