lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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