I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
