tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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