There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
