yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
