I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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