You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
where am i from again
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
