just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
