His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
