why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
