she kept yelling 'call me bella'
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
