gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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