Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we made out on top of his cat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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