I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
