I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
