Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
