i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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