Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
