How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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