my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
