her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
