If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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