Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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