There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
