He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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