i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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