my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
