saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
