mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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