there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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